The Songs I Cannot Sing – February 10, 2013

Cassie has been here in rehab for a number of days now. She has really been working hard, whether she has liked the therapy sessions or not. At times she gets frustrated, but we have encouraged her to persevere and she will see success. Dad said yesterday, since he is gone for a week, that he has seen a lot of improvement. He has that advantage, so to speak, of not seeing her every day and so he can see the evidence of her hard work more easily than those who see her each day. She has a fairly rigid schedule:

• 7 AM with Activities of Daily Life for 45 minutes
• 8:45 for physical therapy for 45 minutes
• 9:30 for occupational therapy for 45 minute
• 11:00 for speech therapy for 30 minutes
• Lunch at 12 noon
• 1:45 physical therapy
• 3:00 speech therapy

She has also moved to the regular diet, which has opened up more options for meals and nutrition. She also eats out in the dining room and goes on tours of the hospital (she obtained a grounds pass – and the next step is a pass to go outside the hospital and visit other places).

I figured out the health insurance, which is a huge relief. Last week I took care of the COBRA payments, as at the end of February her benefits expire. We have been set up for blessings as the payments are considerably less than what was expected. It has been difficult for me to handle these tasks, because she was the one that took charge of insurance and other things. I have also been handling the budget, and probably spending money that I shouldn’t. I did put some money back into the bank and made sure that all bills would be taken care of for the month of February, and we are still able to save money. Heavenly Father has sure taken care of Cassie and I. I am still in the midst of trying to decide whether or not it is appropriate or necessary to move. I really don’t want to move, but I do not know how Cassie will be able to handle the longer flight of stairs going down to the front door. It would be difficult for Cassie to come out of the hospital and not be returning to the apartment. On the other hand, I do not want to spend unnecessary money on a place that I am not currently staying at or that would lend itself as a difficult place to live with her condition and recovery.

We had sacrament meeting for the first time since Cassie’s admittance on January 16. It was a spiritual meeting, which I did not expect. I take for granted many things, namely being able to go to church, to walk, to speak – all of these things that Cassie cannot do in her present state. So as we sit there and sing the hymns, Cassie attempted to sing the first verse and then began to weep because she could tell that it was not right at all. Instantly, the phrase “the songs I cannot sing” came into my mind, and I appreciate that so much more. It’s not by choice that she cannot sing, but it is her ability. She really could not sing. And yet, He understands her perfectly. I said the invocation and was grateful for the words of the prayer I gave. I have noticed that my prayers are more sincere and less rote, and it means more to me as I say them. The speakers spoke on trial and remaining close to God through the thick of them, and the two musical numbers were gorgeous and uplifting (“A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief” and “Nearer My God to Thee").